Random Thoughts From a Mommy

On my prenatal vitamins side effect sheet, it listed: diarrhea, constipation, and a bunch of different things. The only reason I know the first two because I thought it was so contradicting. How can you possibly have diarrhea and constipate at the same time? I was fortunate enough to have experienced constipation only so far. Let me tell you, Mr. Cabbage, my ass thanks you this morning. On another note, I wrote on Saturday that it was one of my first good days in a long time. Well, it lasted exactly that long - one day. On Sunday, I was loving my husband, then hating him, then loving him, then hating him, to eventually just breaking down all together. All these emotions come so fast that you literally don't even remember how you got there in the first place. Thank goodness we had company over last night. It seems that when I'm around others, I'm much more reasonable towards my husband. I'm sure he was relieved last night too. I am really blessed, I have quite a ...

My husband and I are both very people-oriented, so naturally, tasks are not our forte. From the time we've been together, every place we've lived have been a disaster. No matter how much we attempt to clean, well, it's just never worked. I just always seems like there are more important things to do out there, don't you think? Like hanging out with our friends, meeting new people for business, and spending time with each other. Cleaning just isn't on top of our priority list! I just don't understand how anyone can make it on their priority list! So when my good friend offered to help us clean, I resisted a lot. Why in the world would anyone want to do something I absolutely hate doing? Then I realized that she was the 4th person who has offered in the past 2 months. I figured it's the Universe giving me a hint. When I found out I was pregnant last week, I realized this was why! I can't have a baby come into a messy/dirty house! It was an ulti...

It's hard to believe it was only a week ago that we found out I was pregnant. It seems like we've known about this forever! Today is the first day I felt normal. Maybe it's because I started taking prenatal vitamins yesterday. Probably not, but I like to find reasons for everything. It could also be because today, my distractions were directed towards finances instead. I am not quite sure how we will be fed in September, I think after expenses, we have $5 left in our bank account. Great, how the heck are we ever going to raise a child? I've decided that we need to make an extra $500 a month. I briefly thought about getting a part time job, but there's just no way. I'm way too tired as it is, I don't know if I would survive 2 jobs and a business. Although God has never failed us before, so I'm sure he's not about to abandon us now. Sometimes, having trust is hard. Still, good news is that today was the first day I went pee without thinki...

I don't actually have a family doctor anymore, so I have been seeing this doctor at the walk-in for the past year. He has inadvertently become my famliy doctor. I don't know if he knows that yet, but I do. That's what's important. My doctor is very dead pan. No emotions, very monotone. Like the completely opposite of me. Sometimes I think he finds me amusing, but that could also be just me being a little arrogant. I sat down, joked with him that my wart is gone from last time (I had a wart on my nose for a few months). He looked at me blankly. I was hoping he would remember me. I mean, I was funny! I even cried when he tried to freeze my wart! How could you forget? Seeing the concern on my face, my doctor quickly forced a, "oh, that's good. Very good." (sigh) Then I told him I took a pregnancy test and it was positive! Now I have no idea where I should go from here. I saw a slight smirk for a second. And then it was gone. "Have you been ...

It's Wednesday. Which means it's only been 5 days since we found out I was pregnant. Time is going by VERY slowly. I have to wonder, is that normal? I'm counting down the days when I get to tell my family, I'm counting down the days until I can tell everyone! I'm so looking forward to our doctor's appointment tonight. He'll tell us what to do, which is much more comforting than being completely lost right now! So, I've always wanted to have a home birth with no drugs and with a midwife. Did you know that there are only 10 registered midwives in Edmonton? Did you know that you're supposed to search for one BEFORE you're even pregnant? I wrote every single one of them. 2 replied. 1 told me that there's a huge waiting list with all of them. 1 replied and said if I hurry, they'll consider my application. I thought I was supposed to hire them and interview them, not the other way around. So I'm going to fill out the form tonigh...

I remember going for brunch a week and a half ago with my best friend, her sister, and my husband. I was in an unusally bad mood that day. My best friend said something that I normally would laugh at (it's not unusual that we make fun of each other), but that day, I was extra annoyed. I stopped talking for the rest of the meal. It was awkward, because I'm normally the person who talks up the storm. It all made sense after I found out I was pregnant! I have been wondering why I've been extra tired and extra illogical. My poor husband has had to endure just how ridiculous I've been being! So is it normal to swear up the storm? I swore over a dozen times today - which is very unusual for me. My best friend is awesome. The last 2 weeks though, I've wanted to wring her neck (sorry if you're reading this, but it's true). Why the beep does she have to be right all the time? Why is this only bothering me now? Is this what it'll be like for the next 35 weeks?...

Did you know that when you're about to become a mom, you have a million thoughts going a mile a minute? This is why I'm posting twice in one day! So, I've been reading stuff on the internet. And really, I don't know why I torture myself with that. Because it really just confirmed just how unprepared we are. For example - I knew that I was supposed to be taking folic acid while trying to have a baby. But I was so busy trying I forgot. I hope it's not too late. I'm not supposed to have soft cheeses. I had brie yesterday. Great. I'm also not supposed to have raw meat. I had a rare steak yesterday. Even greater. I sure hope the baby will survive 2 bad meals so far. It sure is great motivation for me to start eating better though. I couldn't believe how quickly that motivation changed for me. It went from me wanting to lose weight a year ago, to me wanting to be my best self a few months ago, to me wanting the best for this baby now. All I want to...

Is this normal? I'm thinking about all the worst possible things that could happen right now. I'm tearing up in the middle of working during the day because I can't fathom anything happening to this tiny little embryo that hasn't even developed much yet. Logically, I know my chances are very good that things are going to go well. Emotionally, my hormones are going wild telling me that things are going to go wrong any second. I'm afraid if I think about it anymore, those thoughts will come true. Seriously, is this normal?

When I was a teenager, I dreamt of the day I would have an awesome career, a house, a husband, and a couple kids. I wanted all of this by the age of 22. When 22 came, I had none of those things. I didn't have to wait long though. By 25, I was married, in a beautiful house, and I had a very promising career. All that was missing was kids. I was thoroughly enjoying my time with my husband and being loved the most! I loved our flexible schedule where we could have a business on the side, go out for drinks after work, go out for dinner on a whim, and hanging out with our friends every weekend. They were all reasons we decided not to have a dog. And they were all the reasons that held me back from wanting to have kids. Yet I knew, I knew the day was coming that kids would be in our future. The question of, "when are you guys going to have kids?" came more and more frequently. Every time, I dodged the question with, "We're just not ready right now." or ...