Random Thoughts From a Mommy

It was a whirlwind trip to Vancouver. It always seems that way, but this time it really was extra short. 4 days just isn't enough to squish in all the family time we need! I didn't think I would start getting baby things so soon, but alas, this Christmas, I got a lot of baby-related presents! I'm pretty surprised, mostly because I try to separate baby presents from the parents. I'm ok with it though, I mean, this is all starting to come together! Had a talk with my sister about what would happen to the baby if something happened to Bryan and I. It's not like us to be this prepared, but when it comes to the worst, you can count on me apparently! It was a sobering conversation (we literally ended in silence), but a much needed one. It was really important to us that the baby goes to a home that has similar values as us. And to put that obligation on someone else can be a burden, so I wanted to make sure that my sister is fully prepared for that. It gave her a lot ...

I feel like I've been stuck at week 22 forever. I don't know why - it's not that I had a bad week or anything, just feels like I've been stuck here for a long long time. Well, Merry Christmas guys! After a flight from Edmonton to Calgary and from Calgary to Vancouver, we finally arrived at 8 pm on Christmas Eve! I don't think we've ever arrived home so late. But the good news is that this is the last Christmas we have to do this! This morning was an awesome morning. It dawned on us that it's the last Christmas we have before the baby comes. Next year this time, our baby will be 8 months old! Pretty crazy! Really great presents this morning from my mom and my sister - lots of maternity clothes! It just made this pregnancy so much more real. My sister got me a gift certificate to a spa. I was uber grateful - my shoulders have been killing me. I've been dying to go for a massage. So during breakfast: Me: I can't wait to get a massage! Mom: Oh,...

Last weekend, my friend Candice asked me if my furnace has kicked in yet. With a very confused look on my face, she clarified she meant my internal furnace. The answer is no. In fact, I’m still freezing all the time. Baby has stolen all my warmth. In fact, baby has stolen my sanity as well. The other night, Bryan and I were taking a nap. Bryan went and stretched out his arm. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong with your arm?” “Oh, it just fell asleep. It feels a little numb and tingly, that’s all” “You could be having a heart attack. How are you feeling? How’s your chest? Are you breathing ok?” “This is my right arm, Carly. I’m not having a heart attack. It just fell asleep.” “I think it affects the right arm too. Can you just tell me how you’re feeling? Is there any pain in the chest?” “I don’t feel anything. I’m fine.” “I’m not crazy.” “I know.” I’ve also started reading stories on the grief and loss board with this online forum I joined. I can’t tell you what prompted ...

Can you believe that just 10 weeks ago I was complaining about how slowly time was going? Umm...I can't. Because suddenly time is FLYING by! Ever since we made this decision to move, I feel like we're running out of time to do everything! How is this possible? At this rate, there's no way we can move pre baby! Feeling baby move lots these days. On Saturday, Bryan even felt the first kick! I must admit, that was pretty cool. No more real kicks since. I suppose that's good. I will be kept up all night with kicks later on anyway. I went from having the laziest baby ever to the most active baby. Go figure. So one thing that has drastically gotten worse over this pregnancy is how emotional I have been. Last night while trying to fall asleep, I started thinking about how much Bryan meant to me. And then I cried, no, I sobbed for 10 minutes straight. I didn't even know what to say, and neither did Bryan. Then this morning, I popped in a movie at work to watch while ...

In my exhausted state, I forgot to mention in my last post... I popped on the weekend! I've been following the What to Expect forum for expectant moms in April 2011. And all of them have mentioned popping lately and I had no idea what they meant. That was, until last weekend! We were going to a costume party and we were supposed to dress up like a celebrity. I asked my friend Anita what I should dress up as. She suggested Juno - it was perfect timing, because I actually had a belly to show for it! :) Value Village has now become one of my favorite places to shop. Did you know their books are only $3.99 at most? I ended up getting the Baby Whisperer for only $3.99! Plus the mom who used to own the book highlighted all of the important parts with little sticky tabs for the information she needed often. It was perfect :) If you're looking for books for your kids, they're only 99 cents! I mean, can you go wrong? Had crab for dinner last night. NOT.A.GOOD.IDEA. That'...

They say that your first trimester symptoms ease quite a bit when second trimester hits. It's been 7 weeks since the first trimester, and although I'm not throwing up anymore, I am still as tired (if not more tired) than I was before. There are days I'm in bed by 9 pm and wake up at 7:30 and still, I can barely focus at work and barely manage to last through the day without dreaming about my bed half way through. This is probably because I'm not eating enough. So for awhile there, I was pretty worried that I was hindering the growth of our baby. In fact, I think last week I was down one more pound. Which made my total loss so far 6 lbs since pregnancy. When it came to the ultrasound yesterday, I was both excited and nervous. More excited than anything else. I couldn't stop smiling on the way to the appointment. Even with a semi-full bladder, I didn't care. I really just wanted to see the baby! The office was running about a half-hour behind schedule. The t...

Umm...week 18 already? The baby is now the length of a sweet potato (5.5 inches). I'm wondering when I'm going to feel the baby move. I think I feel something at times, but it's more like gas than anything else. I'm not eating a lot these days, I hope the baby is growing! (I assume baby must be taking everything I have, because I don't think I've not been sick - i.e. all day sickness, UTI, cold, etc - since I've been pregnant. Leaving me fight for myself) So, I FINALLY told my boss at work today that I'm pregnant. I don't know what I expected, but I didn't expect it to be easy. Of course I should know that she has experience with hearing news like that all the time. I guess I just thought she'd say something like, "ok, well, you're not fit for this role anymore, so what's the plan now?" or something like that. Those who have worked with me before know that I have always been very good at what I do. I don't say thi...

After coming back from LA, we just completely crashed for about 12 hours. Even then, it didn't seem like 12 hours was enough sleep. Good news was that my ears were fine - being congested, I really was surprised that I came out ok on the other end. I think it was a mixture of tapping, lots of vicks vapor rub, sleeping, and lots of praying. At the end, I'm just grateful my eardrums didn't pop. We went from 30 degrees in Pasadena to -10 in Edmonton. Today, it clocked at -23 with windchill of -33. I am severely depressed - we should've stayed and never came back! On to happier news though - we have decided we will find out the sex of the baby next week at our ultrasound! There was a lot of debate back and forth about keeping it a surprise. But as my cousin Andrea puts it (God bless her), "it's a surprise whether it's at 20 weeks or at 40 weeks." And it's true. I am SO EXCITED to be finding out. I'm having a bit of a mental breakdown about w...

You know what's the worst? When you're travelling and you're doing logistics for a 5-day event and you get sick AND you're pregnant. Travelling went well - I was feeling pretty great. But after eating Carl's Jr for the third day in a row, getting about 6 hours of sleep a night (and not good sleep), I knew this would happen. I got so tired at one point I actually went under the table to take a 30-minute nap during the seminar. Between planning meals (do you know how hard it is to think about what you want to eat right after breakfast or lunch?), keeping time (speakers NEVER end on time), and running music (should we do slow music with lyrics? or slow music without? Should we make it loud? Or should it be softer?), I was giving it my all. I've been way too busy to worry about the baby...until now. I'm coughing up my lungs, and I'm wondering if the baby is still okay. Good news is that it's only 17 more days until the ultrasound. Bad news is that it...

So yesterday (November 1), I woke up and knew it was an important day. The only thing I could think of was our doctor's appointment. I even found my daytimer to make sure I didn't scribble something last minute on there. Nope, none, nada. Last night we went to a friend's house for dinner. Then at 7:30, I checked my phone and I missed a call. Then I remembered - I was supposed to have an appointment to meet with my life insurance company for more paramedical questions. I COMPLETELY forgot while she was standing in front of my house. Imagine my horror and embarrassement. I haven't called her back yet, but I'm going to try to make it up to her. And so it begins...pregnant brain. On top of that, I also seemed to have developed headaches. Headaches aren't normal for me, so to have them for a couple days in a row was painful to say the least. I have come to realize that I am a big cry baby, I just never noticed because I hardly got sick before I was pregnant. ...

I was feeling better last week, I really was. In fact, I had a 5-day streak of not getting sick. I was starting to eat normal meals, I was beginning to get some energy back, I was getting hopeful! Then BAM! Just like that, I have never been so violently ill in my life. At first I thought maybe I went a little too overambitious on the food I was eating, but no - even when I'm not eating, I manage to throw up something ! It's been a long week, and I feel like so much has happened, but umm...the pregnant brain can only remember so much. First, one of my co-workers so kindly loaned me her bella band! Yay! I can wear my normal pants and feel somewhat comfortable :) God bless her - what a lifesaver. I haven't worked up the nerve to tell my boss about the baby yet. Do I have to? Oh yes, I do. I keep waiting and waiting for things to line up before I do, but alas, I think the Universe is waiting for me to make a decision and take action before giving me a break. So yes, it...

So, yesterday I came home and there was a message from the doctor’s office. And it said, “Hi Carly, this is Cathy calling from Dr. Hoskin’s office. If you can give us a call after 9 am tomorrow and ask to speak to Jen, she will explain this message to you.” Umm…I FREAKED. I had a blood/urine test on the weekend. I think one is to test chlamydia and one is to test sugar levels or something. I was convinced I had chlamydia. I was convinced I’ve had it for the last 8 years and didn’t even know it. Bryan said I was overreacting (I didn’t even scream or yell. I just looked perplexed. How is that overreacting?!?!). I gave him the death look and proceeded to text my friend Anita who used to work at a medical clinic. A few texts for your entertaining pleasure: “They wouldn’t leave me a message unless something was wrong, right?!?!?!” “You can tell me the truth – something is wrong. I may as well prepare me for it!” I mean, what is she going to say? Of course they wouldn’t call unless so...

I think I'm beginning to feel better. It's been 2 days since I've been sick. Sure, I still feel a little nauseous throughout the day. Mostly though, I'm keeping my food down. That's a good sign right? Week 14! Ever since Thanksgiving, time has gone by A LOT quicker. Even the ultrasound doesn't seem all that far away now (only one more month!). One of my friends gave me some maternity clothes - thank God! My pants were beginning to kill me. I'm starting to look like a bloated blimp. The in between stage of "is she just getting fat?" and "huh, I think she might be pregnant, but I'm too afraid to ask just incase." There was this once, 2 years ago, one of my co-workers came up to me on the street and excitedly hugged me and asked, "oh my gosh Carly! Are you pregnant?" You should've seen my face. I was in my fat phase (I think I must've gained 20 lbs in a year around that time) and already felt terrible about myself....

First, I just want to touch on how this is week 13. Some days are bad, but some days are not too bad. So I think that’s an improvement. I have also been going on baby forums conversing with other expectant moms. And I can assure you that I am not as neurotic as some other women out there. I was telling Amanda the other day – at least I’ve never googled “can you pee out your baby?” But if you google that – people have actually asked that question out loud on the internet before. Puh-leeze, I’m tame compared to what’s out there. Ok, next – on why I’m really writing this post. I am not normally a news follower. In fact, I didn’t even know about those Chilean miners were stuck there until maybe the day before they were freed. In the personal development/business world, I almost can’t afford to read them because it jades me about the world every single time. (I am perfectly happy in my little bubble, thank you) So I don’t know what prompted me today to read about the case on Russell Willi...

This one is going to be cheese. So if you don't like cheese - SKIP IT. Bryan and I had a small fight this morning (it lasted maybe 10 minutes). I realized it was our first fight in months. You really don't realize how awesome your relationship has become until you look back and remember how the days of fighting/bickering far outweighed the days of not. I realize now that this baby could not have come a day earlier, we needed to build this foundation on us first before bringing in a new life. Did you know that someone did a survey once to children and when asked the question if they would like their parents to love them more, or love each other more, most kids said they preferred that their parents love each other more? This is why I am so grateful. Because Bryan and I are now equipped with tools to put each other first - which really is the foundation of a family, don't you think? Because long after our children leave the house, you know who ultimately are left? Husband...

Ever watched Glee? Remember when Mr. Schuster's wife had a phantom baby? So a few weeks ago, a thought dawned on me that this could be a phantom baby. Afterall, you get all the symptoms of pregnancy when you have phantom baby. (It was also on an episode of CSI once) Maybe I've wanted this so much I conjured this whole thing up. Imagine how much that would suck to know that I've been so sick all for a baby that doesn't even exist?! So on Saturday I broke down and rented a baby doppler (this handheld device to monitor your baby's heartbeat). There's this lady in town who rents them out and I just happened to grab the last one she has right now. (Or she could just be saying that - I know how to market too, lady) It was nothing fancy, she said I should have a full bladder because it lifts up my uterus. So I went home, told Bryan all about it, and we decided to try it out. Of course, I can't read instructions to save my life. Bryan read the whole thing an...

I'm now averaging getting sick between 3-7 times a day. I've decided that getting sick is worse. I've now anchored the bathroom to getting sick - so whether I'm just going pee or whatever, I'm hurling first. (sigh) So Wednesday was a particularly bad day. I got home from work (a very unproductive day at work) and curled up under the covers and laid in bed. Bryan asked me if I wanted some soup. I managed to groan out a "hmm" (as in yes). We had some left overs from last week in the fridge. He reheated it in the microwave. Put it in a bowl for me. I asked him if it was still good. He said he tasted it, and it was still good. He was wrong. It was going bad, it smelled funny, and a definite taste of sourness in there. So yeah, Bryan tried to kill me. Or maybe he has a really bad nose. He did make me a fresh batch of soup afterwards for me. So maybe it's just a bad nose. What if I wasn't there? Bryan would've had rotten soup! OMG! He...

We're finally in week 12 - it's probably the first time ever in this pregnancy that I'm really happy about the number. Sure, it's still going super slow, but we're in week 12! So after we told our family, this was my sister: "Are you going to tell Allison and Andrea?" (our cousins in Vancouver) "Yes, I will. I was thinking tomorrow." "Can you do it right now? I want to update my facebook." "Ok, I"ll do it in a bit." (5 minutes later) "So, when do you think you'll do it?" "Soon!" (10 minutes) "How about right now?" I had this whole thing planned out that I would tell our close family and friends the day after our Thanksgiving dinner. And then wait one more day to announce it on facebook. But since my sister was even more patient that I have been in the last 2 months, we ended up announcing to the entire world within an hour. I think everyone else is more excited tha...

We picked mom and Kelly up on Saturday morning. You have no idea just how hard it is to keep a secret for one more day. To know that I have to spend 2 whole days with them before 7:30 pm rolls around Sunday seemed like such torture to me. So Sunday, I was REALLY sick. I ran to the washroom at least 10 times. No one noticed. (My family is clueless that way) 7:15 rolled around - Dan and Spencer came. 7:30 came - Amanda is still 20 minutes away. I was dying. FINALLY! 8 pm! Dinner is ready! We're sitting at the table. Bryan wanted to say Grace. My mom was like, "What? Grace? Grace! Now eat!". Yeah, that's my mom. Below is a clip of what happened. Let me tell you - the wait? It was SO WORTH IT. PS - the piercing scream right after Bryan announced it? My best friend Amanda wants you to know that it was umm...not her...yeah.

I'm not really. Well, kinda. This morning, I told Bryan that I think I'm getting a small belly. He looked at me. Silence. Then I said, "well, unless that little belly was always there before, unless I've always been this fat!" Silence. "You mean I've always been this fat?!?!?!" "I didn't say that." "That's right, you didn't say anything." "There is a small belly there." "It's too late now! Don't touch me!" Bryan went off huffing and puffing. THIS IS HOW PREGNANT WOMEN REACT! Someone get him a handbook on how to deal with an emotional wife. So yeah, I'm getting fat. Great. On another note - one more day til my family is here and 2 more days til we get to tell the world.

Week 11. Bryan told me the other day that time has flown by. Beep you Bryan. Beep you. Week 11?!?!?!?! REALLY?! It's only been 7 weeks since we've found out? On the other hand, I almost forgot to celebrate double digits last week. We're in the double digits! (Even though it's the very beginning of double digits) I feel somewhat better this week. Still have a bit of all day sickness, but I'm eating, so that's a good sign. I've consumed more sugar in the last 2 weeks than I have in a life time. I don't even like sugar. I'm on a hard candy kick right now. I hope I get lots of hard candies for Christmas. My pants no longer fit. How can I possibly lose 5 lbs and my pants don't fit? Oh, that's right, I've lost weight in the most invisible places, but gained it in my ass! Great week this week though. Got back in touch with one of my friends. I actually told her about the pregnancy. I feel semi-guilty that my family isn't the fir...

By Monday, the baby will be the size of a really big coat button. It's hard to believe it went from 1 mm to THAT. It's not surprising then I suppose that I've been extremely tired. I asked God the other day if I could have a break. He gave it to me on Wednesday. I woke up refreshed, wasn't tired, wasn't feeling sick. It was glorious, and terrifying at the same time. I kept punching my boobs just to make sure they still hurt. Just to make sure that...umm..I was still pregnant. I can tell you that the next day, I didn't have to punch my boobs anymore. God gave me a one day break only. Such a great sense of humor. They say morning all day sickness heightens around week 9. I figured it can only go uphill from here right? I also have been panicking a bit. My job right now is at an office, and it's training me to work from home. Which really is a dream come true for me. On another note, how will I manage when the baby comes? I only get a 5-week break. H...

So, we had our first doctor's appointment yesterday. The office wasn't as busy as I thought it would be. Some pretty cute kids there (they obviously have pediatricians working as well). The first thing they did when they called my name was weighed me. I gained 5 lbs between the morning and weigh in time. Could possibly be the clothes, or the 5 lbs of food I didn't consume in the 5 hours in between. The nurse/aide was so nice. I loved her immediately. I think she loved us too. She told me that I got some test done, but not all of them. She gave me one more requisition - testing for chlamydia or something. Isn't it too late for that? She gave us a run down of the routine - what to expect for our next appointments (they will only be 5 minutes each! So short!). She also reassured us that our doctor is great. I already knew that though, I read up about him. I changed so they can do their routine exam. The doctor came in, looked pleasant enough. A little older tha...

After weeks of wondering if it was better to FEEL sick or to actually BE sick - well, yesterday, I finally hurled down the white throne. I can tell you - I do not prefer EITHER. Afterwards, I had a new sense of hunger, but I was too tired to bother getting out of bed and finding something that will suit my stomach last night. So I actually went to bed at 10. 10 might seem normal to some of you, but 9 weeks ago, I was going to bed at 1 or 2 in the morning. I would be lucky now if I can stay past midnight... Countdown to the doctor's has begun - I haven't even made a list of question yet. Wish me luck - I hope it goes well. I have some gross questions, some weird questions, and probably some really dumb ones. Since this whole midwife thing didn't work out, I'm just hoping that God sent me this doctor for a reason. I had Mexican food for lunch. It went down well. Of course, that's today. Last week Chinese did me well, this week - not so much. Tonight I'...

Week 9 starts today. This past few days have been worse than ever. I need a nap constantly, and my morning sickness has peaked (or I hope this is as bad as it gets). I am not puking, but the thought of eating is enough to send me running under covers and just lay there until I fall asleep. I haven't had a proper meal for a few days now - can my baby shrivel up if I don't eat properly? I skipped my vitamin for one day too. As I'm writing, I'm trying to gulp down some yogurt. I bought some this morning not knowing that this is natural yogurt - meaning no sugar. It's not good. Not good at all. I also had a bag of chips yesterday AND today. So nutritious. I can barely make my day through work, I'm not entirely sure how I thought I was going to be able to work from home raising a brand new baby. And if we have twins? I can't even think about it. 2.5 more weeks til my mom and my sister are in town. I'm getting very antsy waiting for their arrival. I...

So, we've been without heat because our furance broke. When it was summer, it didn't really matter. But fall came upon us a lot quicker than we anticipated. So for the last 2 weeks, we've been living in the cold. I've been completely miserable. The furnace guy gave us hope - I was dying to have heat in our house again. I have been extra cold since I've been pregnant and I think my pregnancy symptoms have gotten worse because of the cold. The moment I heard the furnance going, I was so relieved. It didn't stop for an hour and a half - that's how long it took to get our house back to room temperature. And did you know that just 6 degrees (celsius) can make all the difference in the world? I had a clearer head, I was happier, and I wasn't as neauseous. So yay furnace guy! Thank you for making me and my baby happy again! On another note, the lack of symptoms is now driving me crazy. With them I'm miserable, without them I'm panicking. Beep ...

Even though I am sure I was the first to submit that application after this midwife told me they had openings, I didn't make the cut. I'm on the waiting list. Surprisingly, I'm not too upset about it. I'm feeling like maybe having a doctor is okay too. I might hire a doula though, but we shall see. I feel really useless these days. If I'm not sleeping, I'm staring at the computer thinking about how tired I am. And although I'm really grateful for morning sickness (because it reminds me I'm actually pregnant), I'm quite tired of the unpredictability of what different foods will make me want to hurl everyday. Like today, the thought of having subway with my friends for lunch sounds fantastic. And I thought maybe I would order a foot long so I can have one for a snack - but thinking about that makes me want to puke. How random is that? I am getting really excited about the baby. I'm thinking about shopping for maternity clothes, what we'll...

Ok, so here we are at week 8. With my husband gone for the weekend, I actually spent the majority of my two days on the couch watching TV. I even popped in the Dawson's Creek series finale and watched and hour and a half filled with drama. Oh yeah, I balled my eyes out. Especially when Jack said to Jen, "You belong to me. Don't you see? You are my soulmate." Or when Gram kissed Jen on the forehead and said, "I will see you soon child, soon." I'm supposed to stick to comedy for the next 7 months, but screw that! There are times I just love crying! (That's what I say now, just wait another few weeks...) On Saturday, I went out with my best friend and her sister. I picked them up after dinner and asked them what they'd like to do. They were meh about dessert and coffee. So I suggested drinks and they were all over it. Great, now I have to pretend...again...for 2 weekends in a row! So we went to Cactus Club, we all ordered our drinks. I excus...

It's only been 3 weeks since we found out I was pregnant. I swear it's been the longest 3 weeks of my life! Week 7 so far has been mixed with up and downs. There were minutes (literally just minutes) where I would feel terrific. More often than not, I'm just exhausted ready to crawl into bed. My sense of smell has definitely heightened. The other day my husband fried something up with butter, and I told him to take it far far away from me unless he wanted me to vomit on his plate. And I love butter! :( I was so miserable at one point this week I told my husband that I would gladly welcome twins so I could get this over with! Yesterday I had the most to eat ever in the last 3 weeks. I started off feeling super nauseous, and then I had the following for lunch: corn nuts (YUM!), crunchy coated peanuts, and popcorn. Then for dinner I went out with a friend for Pho. I was so full by the end I couldn't sleep! And I was so dehydrated, but I couldn't take another sip ...

It was the worst weekend ever. Friday night was our anniversary - we've been married 4 years! And of course, of all the weekends, this was the weekend we had to clean our rental property to prepare for new tenants. It was one of the grossest thing I've EVER done. It was as if the condo hasn't been cleaned since the building was constructed. It was disgusting. Thank God I have amazing friends who came over and helped us with some pretty horrendous stuff. They are amazing, I know. I owe them my life. I think it was God's way of preparing me to clean and be overwhelmed. Not only that, God is preparing me for sleep deprivation. Needless to say, with the lack of sleep, lack of eating, oh, and lack of sleep - I swear my symptoms got worse this weekend. My boobs feel like they're about a thousand pounds and I want to rip them off because they hurt so much. And my morning sickness has begun. I drove to Calgary with my best friend (which by the way, was a very plea...

Got a call from the Primary Care Network yesterday. I'm booked in for my first appointment with the OB/Gyn on September 27 at 1 pm! I even did research on this doctor and mostly they were very good reviews. So if I don't end up with a midwife afterall, I'm totally ok as long as I have a good doctor. Oh, I also had the pleasure of having hemmorrhoids the other day - yeah, I know, it's a lot of information, but I just want you to know that when you have no idea what to expect, you can't help but freak out when there's blood coming out from that end. That was my scare from a few days ago - thank God I have a friend who does EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). We tapped about my hemmorrhoids, along with my other fears, and they disappeared within an hour. I was a totally different person after my session with her. Sure, I still have moments where I think I might sneeze the baby out, but mostly, I'm pretty content and getting more excited than scared. Also j...

On my prenatal vitamins side effect sheet, it listed: diarrhea, constipation, and a bunch of different things. The only reason I know the first two because I thought it was so contradicting. How can you possibly have diarrhea and constipate at the same time? I was fortunate enough to have experienced constipation only so far. Let me tell you, Mr. Cabbage, my ass thanks you this morning. On another note, I wrote on Saturday that it was one of my first good days in a long time. Well, it lasted exactly that long - one day. On Sunday, I was loving my husband, then hating him, then loving him, then hating him, to eventually just breaking down all together. All these emotions come so fast that you literally don't even remember how you got there in the first place. Thank goodness we had company over last night. It seems that when I'm around others, I'm much more reasonable towards my husband. I'm sure he was relieved last night too. I am really blessed, I have quite a ...

My husband and I are both very people-oriented, so naturally, tasks are not our forte. From the time we've been together, every place we've lived have been a disaster. No matter how much we attempt to clean, well, it's just never worked. I just always seems like there are more important things to do out there, don't you think? Like hanging out with our friends, meeting new people for business, and spending time with each other. Cleaning just isn't on top of our priority list! I just don't understand how anyone can make it on their priority list! So when my good friend offered to help us clean, I resisted a lot. Why in the world would anyone want to do something I absolutely hate doing? Then I realized that she was the 4th person who has offered in the past 2 months. I figured it's the Universe giving me a hint. When I found out I was pregnant last week, I realized this was why! I can't have a baby come into a messy/dirty house! It was an ulti...

It's hard to believe it was only a week ago that we found out I was pregnant. It seems like we've known about this forever! Today is the first day I felt normal. Maybe it's because I started taking prenatal vitamins yesterday. Probably not, but I like to find reasons for everything. It could also be because today, my distractions were directed towards finances instead. I am not quite sure how we will be fed in September, I think after expenses, we have $5 left in our bank account. Great, how the heck are we ever going to raise a child? I've decided that we need to make an extra $500 a month. I briefly thought about getting a part time job, but there's just no way. I'm way too tired as it is, I don't know if I would survive 2 jobs and a business. Although God has never failed us before, so I'm sure he's not about to abandon us now. Sometimes, having trust is hard. Still, good news is that today was the first day I went pee without thinki...

I don't actually have a family doctor anymore, so I have been seeing this doctor at the walk-in for the past year. He has inadvertently become my famliy doctor. I don't know if he knows that yet, but I do. That's what's important. My doctor is very dead pan. No emotions, very monotone. Like the completely opposite of me. Sometimes I think he finds me amusing, but that could also be just me being a little arrogant. I sat down, joked with him that my wart is gone from last time (I had a wart on my nose for a few months). He looked at me blankly. I was hoping he would remember me. I mean, I was funny! I even cried when he tried to freeze my wart! How could you forget? Seeing the concern on my face, my doctor quickly forced a, "oh, that's good. Very good." (sigh) Then I told him I took a pregnancy test and it was positive! Now I have no idea where I should go from here. I saw a slight smirk for a second. And then it was gone. "Have you been ...

It's Wednesday. Which means it's only been 5 days since we found out I was pregnant. Time is going by VERY slowly. I have to wonder, is that normal? I'm counting down the days when I get to tell my family, I'm counting down the days until I can tell everyone! I'm so looking forward to our doctor's appointment tonight. He'll tell us what to do, which is much more comforting than being completely lost right now! So, I've always wanted to have a home birth with no drugs and with a midwife. Did you know that there are only 10 registered midwives in Edmonton? Did you know that you're supposed to search for one BEFORE you're even pregnant? I wrote every single one of them. 2 replied. 1 told me that there's a huge waiting list with all of them. 1 replied and said if I hurry, they'll consider my application. I thought I was supposed to hire them and interview them, not the other way around. So I'm going to fill out the form tonigh...

I remember going for brunch a week and a half ago with my best friend, her sister, and my husband. I was in an unusally bad mood that day. My best friend said something that I normally would laugh at (it's not unusual that we make fun of each other), but that day, I was extra annoyed. I stopped talking for the rest of the meal. It was awkward, because I'm normally the person who talks up the storm. It all made sense after I found out I was pregnant! I have been wondering why I've been extra tired and extra illogical. My poor husband has had to endure just how ridiculous I've been being! So is it normal to swear up the storm? I swore over a dozen times today - which is very unusual for me. My best friend is awesome. The last 2 weeks though, I've wanted to wring her neck (sorry if you're reading this, but it's true). Why the beep does she have to be right all the time? Why is this only bothering me now? Is this what it'll be like for the next 35 weeks?...

Did you know that when you're about to become a mom, you have a million thoughts going a mile a minute? This is why I'm posting twice in one day! So, I've been reading stuff on the internet. And really, I don't know why I torture myself with that. Because it really just confirmed just how unprepared we are. For example - I knew that I was supposed to be taking folic acid while trying to have a baby. But I was so busy trying I forgot. I hope it's not too late. I'm not supposed to have soft cheeses. I had brie yesterday. Great. I'm also not supposed to have raw meat. I had a rare steak yesterday. Even greater. I sure hope the baby will survive 2 bad meals so far. It sure is great motivation for me to start eating better though. I couldn't believe how quickly that motivation changed for me. It went from me wanting to lose weight a year ago, to me wanting to be my best self a few months ago, to me wanting the best for this baby now. All I want to...

Is this normal? I'm thinking about all the worst possible things that could happen right now. I'm tearing up in the middle of working during the day because I can't fathom anything happening to this tiny little embryo that hasn't even developed much yet. Logically, I know my chances are very good that things are going to go well. Emotionally, my hormones are going wild telling me that things are going to go wrong any second. I'm afraid if I think about it anymore, those thoughts will come true. Seriously, is this normal?

When I was a teenager, I dreamt of the day I would have an awesome career, a house, a husband, and a couple kids. I wanted all of this by the age of 22. When 22 came, I had none of those things. I didn't have to wait long though. By 25, I was married, in a beautiful house, and I had a very promising career. All that was missing was kids. I was thoroughly enjoying my time with my husband and being loved the most! I loved our flexible schedule where we could have a business on the side, go out for drinks after work, go out for dinner on a whim, and hanging out with our friends every weekend. They were all reasons we decided not to have a dog. And they were all the reasons that held me back from wanting to have kids. Yet I knew, I knew the day was coming that kids would be in our future. The question of, "when are you guys going to have kids?" came more and more frequently. Every time, I dodged the question with, "We're just not ready right now." or ...