Happy 4th Birthday Baby Girl
Dear Mackenzie,
Another year has gone by. And here we are.
Going to bed tonight, you said to me, "I'm SO excited to be 4 tomorrow!"
You are as loving as you were a year ago. Perhaps more so. Your love for Bree is what made the hashtag #theirloveisridiculous. One day, I heard you down the hall yelling, "Bryanna! I will never let you go. I love you so much!" Or that time you said to her, "Bryanna, I will never leave you behind!" And that's you. You love with 110% of your heart. You tell me often how much you love everyone on earth. No judgements, no pretence. You randomly blurt out "I love you all the way back to the moon" to your family. You never hesitate to tell us we are beautiful. You want to invite the whole world to parties not because you are popular, but because you just love everyone so gosh darn much.
I was worried about how "soft" you might get being so loving. Would you be trampled on? Would others take advantage of you? Alas, I don't give you enough credit! Not long ago, one of your friends started ordering you around. At first, you went along with it. And then finally, when you got tired of it, you said, "I will not play that game with you because I don't want to." In fact, you said no repeatedly unapologetically. And you told him, "that word is not nice. Please stop saying it." And finally, you pushed back when it was called for. It turned out I didn't need to be worried after all. You know more about how to create what you want than I had thought.
There's no question about it, we treat you way older than you are. You were 3, and we treated you as if you were 30. I am not sure if you would've chosen any other way though. You have turned out exactly the way you are supposed to.
You have become somewhat obsessive about death since your grandpa died. Not so much in a worrisome way (like, are you going to die?) but more of a factual way (how do you die? Everyone dies? Why?). While I think you are ready for the death talk, I'm just not sure your friends are. In fact, I'm not sure if grown ups around you are either!
You wanted a baby brother so badly. In fact, you cried when we had first told you there could be a possibility that it might be a baby sister. The day we found out you were having a baby brother, you told us, "oh, I've changed my mind. I want a baby sister now." When we explained that you will have a baby brother now, you said, "ok. When my baby brother comes out of your vagina, we can put my baby sister in there to grow. And then I'll have a baby brother and 2 baby sisters then." I'm not saying no kid, but be prepared for just one baby brother and one baby sister, ok?
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You adjusted to preschool like a champ. It was no surprise to us. Although you rarely actually play with anyone, you simply love having people in the room with you. Somehow, you've managed to learn opposites, counting to 10 in Spanish, 5 senses, baby animal names, and a whole lot more in the past couple of months. When asked where you learned these things from (because it's certainly not from us!), you told us it's from Bubble Guppies and Dora the Explorer. Well, at least TV hasn't ruined you yet!
You are riding your bike! Finally! After having hopes of you being on it for over a year, you finally started riding after school started. You are on your balance bike more than the pedal one, although you can do both. I never thought I'd see the day!
More often than not, you are the teacher in this journey. Turned out all the wisdom is already inside you. My job isn't to instil more wisdom, but draw out what you already know. Funny enough, most of the time, it's when I'm most flustered, or I've made a mistake that you give me the wisest advice. You are the one who often reminds me to take a deep breath so I will be less frustrated. You are articulate in your feelings (Mom, I am frustrated with you because...), and you sure copy what we say (I'm glad you respect my "no's"). There was even this once you said to me, "thinking about something isn't doing it!" And you were right, every single time. And oh gosh, you sure are grateful (I have a very wonderful family). You have everything that I strive to be more of.
Your dad and I were driving the other night, and I said, "gosh, 4 years. How did we get here? How did 4 years go by already? I KNOW we haven't enjoyed every single moment in the last 4 years, but have we enjoyed enough?"
And I'd imagine every parent feels that way. Once a day, at least one of these thoughts pass through:
Am I teaching her enough?
What if I make a mistake?
Am I teaching her enough values? Instilling enough character?
Will she make good choices?
Am I showing her enough through my actions?
Was I loving enough today?
Here's the thing, I don't think we ever stop having these thoughts. Not 4 years ago, and most likely not 4 years from now. I most likely will still be having these thoughts when you have your own children.
One thing is for sure though - you my love, you are enough.
Happy Birthday baby girl. I love you now, forever, and always.
Mom
PS - Back in January, you told us you'd like to be like Bobs and Lolo and perform on stage one day. A doctor no more you said. Then last week, you told me that you'd like to be a princess. I told you you already are a princess. But you insisted that you are not. Because you're still a kid. We'll be working on this one.
Another year has gone by. And here we are.
Going to bed tonight, you said to me, "I'm SO excited to be 4 tomorrow!"
You are as loving as you were a year ago. Perhaps more so. Your love for Bree is what made the hashtag #theirloveisridiculous. One day, I heard you down the hall yelling, "Bryanna! I will never let you go. I love you so much!" Or that time you said to her, "Bryanna, I will never leave you behind!" And that's you. You love with 110% of your heart. You tell me often how much you love everyone on earth. No judgements, no pretence. You randomly blurt out "I love you all the way back to the moon" to your family. You never hesitate to tell us we are beautiful. You want to invite the whole world to parties not because you are popular, but because you just love everyone so gosh darn much.
I was worried about how "soft" you might get being so loving. Would you be trampled on? Would others take advantage of you? Alas, I don't give you enough credit! Not long ago, one of your friends started ordering you around. At first, you went along with it. And then finally, when you got tired of it, you said, "I will not play that game with you because I don't want to." In fact, you said no repeatedly unapologetically. And you told him, "that word is not nice. Please stop saying it." And finally, you pushed back when it was called for. It turned out I didn't need to be worried after all. You know more about how to create what you want than I had thought.
There's no question about it, we treat you way older than you are. You were 3, and we treated you as if you were 30. I am not sure if you would've chosen any other way though. You have turned out exactly the way you are supposed to.
You have become somewhat obsessive about death since your grandpa died. Not so much in a worrisome way (like, are you going to die?) but more of a factual way (how do you die? Everyone dies? Why?). While I think you are ready for the death talk, I'm just not sure your friends are. In fact, I'm not sure if grown ups around you are either!
You wanted a baby brother so badly. In fact, you cried when we had first told you there could be a possibility that it might be a baby sister. The day we found out you were having a baby brother, you told us, "oh, I've changed my mind. I want a baby sister now." When we explained that you will have a baby brother now, you said, "ok. When my baby brother comes out of your vagina, we can put my baby sister in there to grow. And then I'll have a baby brother and 2 baby sisters then." I'm not saying no kid, but be prepared for just one baby brother and one baby sister, ok?
You adjusted to preschool like a champ. It was no surprise to us. Although you rarely actually play with anyone, you simply love having people in the room with you. Somehow, you've managed to learn opposites, counting to 10 in Spanish, 5 senses, baby animal names, and a whole lot more in the past couple of months. When asked where you learned these things from (because it's certainly not from us!), you told us it's from Bubble Guppies and Dora the Explorer. Well, at least TV hasn't ruined you yet!
You are riding your bike! Finally! After having hopes of you being on it for over a year, you finally started riding after school started. You are on your balance bike more than the pedal one, although you can do both. I never thought I'd see the day!
More often than not, you are the teacher in this journey. Turned out all the wisdom is already inside you. My job isn't to instil more wisdom, but draw out what you already know. Funny enough, most of the time, it's when I'm most flustered, or I've made a mistake that you give me the wisest advice. You are the one who often reminds me to take a deep breath so I will be less frustrated. You are articulate in your feelings (Mom, I am frustrated with you because...), and you sure copy what we say (I'm glad you respect my "no's"). There was even this once you said to me, "thinking about something isn't doing it!" And you were right, every single time. And oh gosh, you sure are grateful (I have a very wonderful family). You have everything that I strive to be more of.
Your dad and I were driving the other night, and I said, "gosh, 4 years. How did we get here? How did 4 years go by already? I KNOW we haven't enjoyed every single moment in the last 4 years, but have we enjoyed enough?"
And I'd imagine every parent feels that way. Once a day, at least one of these thoughts pass through:
Am I teaching her enough?
What if I make a mistake?
Am I teaching her enough values? Instilling enough character?
Will she make good choices?
Am I showing her enough through my actions?
Was I loving enough today?
Here's the thing, I don't think we ever stop having these thoughts. Not 4 years ago, and most likely not 4 years from now. I most likely will still be having these thoughts when you have your own children.
One thing is for sure though - you my love, you are enough.
Happy Birthday baby girl. I love you now, forever, and always.
Mom
PS - Back in January, you told us you'd like to be like Bobs and Lolo and perform on stage one day. A doctor no more you said. Then last week, you told me that you'd like to be a princess. I told you you already are a princess. But you insisted that you are not. Because you're still a kid. We'll be working on this one.
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