Random Thoughts From a Mommy

It's been 10 weeks since my last post. I wish I hadn't slacked off, because I'm bound to miss a lot in between, but better late than never, right? Where to start? Where to start? We had beautiful weather here in Vancouver right from when I got back from Edmonton to Thanksgiving. This is unheard of. We spent every single day outdoors at the park. It was awesome. Since the park is only a 2 minute walk from our place, we wouldn't normally take the stroller. But a 2 minute walk turns into a 20 minute walk when you have a toddler around. She stops to look at...everything. Every crack on the side walk, smell every bush, touch every tree. At first I would get really impatient and try to hurry her along. But then after awhile I realized that this was such a blessing. We have the most curious kid ever who is just so present in everything that she's enjoying every moment. I learned to be patient, slowed down, and let Mack explore as long as she liked to. Mackenzie sig

It's been so long I will have to break this up into 2 posts. I'm now almost 19 weeks preggo (gosh, almost half way!) and I'm officially a yoga instructor. It's crazy and umm...crazy! Where to start? The 5 weeks that I was in Edmonton was not nearly as torturous as I thought it'd be. I was so busy with school, homework, yoga classes and socializing that I really didn't have much time to miss a lot. And it helped with phoning and skyping every day with Bryan and the munchkin. It really wasn't until the last week that I was anxious to see them. So, the reunion: For a week before the course ended, I told Bryan that I would just take a flight home on the Friday night to avoid the 12-hour plus drive to Edmonton with a one-year old. But he insisted. He insisted it would be "fun". And so, with much anticipation, on Thursday night, I waited and waited and waited. And finally, the arrived! (after a very very long drive) I got up to the car, Mack to

Dear Mackenzie, The last time I saw you was exactly a week ago where I hugged you tight at the airport with tears streaming down my face. I reluctantly left security with one last glance at daddy holding you by the door waving goodbye and blowing the last few kisses my way. I didn't know how I was going to last the day, let alone for over a month. Here I am, the first week. I've loved skyping with you every evening after school. I love that you are so distracted every time we're on the computer because you so desperately want to play with the keyboard. Sometimes, you crank your neck to watch TV. But the moments when I do get your attention, it's been well worth while. I wanted to write you today to let you know, your dad is my hero. The past couple months have been really hard. Since we found out you were going to be a big sister in January, I've been completely drained of energy and hugging the toilet at least once a day. On beautiful days that we did t

Well, this week marked my journey of Yoga Teacher Training. It also marked the first time I'm away from Mackenzie and Bryan for a whole month. The time crept up pretty quickly. Or maybe I was in denial. I really didn't feel anything until the night before I left. I was putting Mackenzie down to bed for the last time for a month, and I held her and cried for 10 minutes. Mackenzie gave me a weird look, but indulged me with a few cuddles. Then the next morning, I was unusually quiet. And the tears started rolling about 10 minutes before we even left the door to go to the airport. I continued to cry at the airport, through security (while Mack and Bryan stood at the door to wave goodbye and blew me a million kisses), and while waiting for to board. I thought I was going to cry through the whole flight. That was, until I set beside 20-month old twin girls who screamed the entire flight. The mom looked so apologetic. I gently reassured her that I have a 14-month old myself.

Want to know what happens when you run out of drugs that help you cope with nausea? Everyone suffers. By everyone, I really just mean me and Bryan. I am a lump on the couch, I am hugging the toilet, I can't eat, but I have to eat, I am tired, I am sleeping, I am  the least helpful person on the planet of the earth. Needless to say, Bryan has to pick up the slack. He is getting up at 6 in the morning to go for his 5 km daily run. He comes home, takes a shower, then takes Mackenzie out of bed. Change her, play with her, feed her, and play some more. By the time I get up, there isn't much more I need to do. Not that I could anyway. I can barely get the energy to pick her up and bring her down for a nap. Bryan cooks lunch, feeds the munchkin, feeds me, and barely feeds himself. He cooks dinner, and sometimes clean. I know it's only been 6 weeks of me being sick, but already, I feel like the world's worst wife EVER. I know a lot of you are tired of me going on

I wasn't really sure if this was something we would announce or it would just naturally come out, but I figured eventually people would start asking, so I might as well write a post about it now. After months of contemplating, praying, discussing, and more praying, Bryan and I have left our main business (with Higher Laws). It was a difficult decision to say the least - we brought that company to Canada and it was our identity for the past 3 years. Leaving meant finding us in the business world all over again, it meant figuring out a brand new step. This is both exciting and nerve-wrecking to say the least. So far, we have a few ideas on the table, but nothing concrete. Few things are for sure: We love people and we love teaching. Most likely our new business will involve both. So stay tuned :) A lot of people will ask why. And we can't exactly pin point any reason. It is a decision based solely on faith. One thing I want to make sure is not lost in this surprise though

Growing up in a household of women, we didn't celebrate Father's Day. Even with Bryan's 2 kids, with their religious backgrounds, we never celebrated Father's Day either. So this year during all the chaos of Mackenzie, I was a bit of a failure in provider a great Father's Day for Bryan. We didn't do a fancy dinner, we didn't do presents. All I did was wake up extra early to take care of Mack while Bryan slept in, and I made eggs benedict for breakfast. Obviously, I need a little more practice at this. I would take this chance to express all the things I'm grateful about Bryan, but I almost feel a bit lame doing it on Father's Day. It almost seems too...cliche. And so, I won't. I hope that my past posts and future ones paint a picture well enough of what a wonderful husband and dad Bryan is. If not, I will have to make sure I do better from now on! Having said that - Happy Father's Day. To Bryan, to my dad who's no longer with

As soon as Mack turned one, not only did she turn into a super sponge, she also turned into a super eater. There's not much she wouldn't eat (she doesn't like mushy stuff) and we no longer have to supplement with rice cereal. She's sleeping better and she started growing a belly. I decided to go and weigh her today. Last month, she weighed in at 17 lbs 4 oz (I had a big freak out, because she actually LOST weight...again). I was beginning to think that she'll never get to be front facing EVER. But I also knew she had gotten heavier. Carrying her has been more exhausting lately, and picking up another one of her friends the other day, Mack actually weighed heavier than her. Which is a first. She's now at 19 lbs 3 oz! That's 2 lbs in a month! I could hardly believe it. She also grew almost an inch. Guess she went through a huge growth spurt! She's growing out of her 9 months clothes and fitting into her 12 months clothes perfectly now. It's

Today was a BEAUTIFUL day in Vancouver. There was blue sky and there was sun. Even though I felt like death, I was determined to take Mackenzie out to the park to enjoy the beautiful weather. (A rarity this month for some reason) The weather was so gorgeous that during lunch with Mack, I opened the patio door to let some fresh air in. I was looking forward to finally feeling the sun on my face! Half hour later, we were getting ready. I looked out, and not a patch of blue sky. It was overcast, it was windy. No matter which way I looked, not even a glimmer of blue anywhere. I pouted, I whined, and I seriously almost cried. I even made Bryan DRIVE to try to find blue sky for me. I was SO mad that I had missed the one gorgeous day we had this week (and the forecast predicts rain for another 4 days!). I had a tantrum and even got mad at God in my head. I went through 5 stages of grief. I tried to negotiate to have at least 5 minutes of blue sky for anything. Nothing worked.

I was reading another blog about poison control, and I can't believe I actually forgot to blog about our poison control experiences. You read that right. Not one experience. But ExerienceS. Which means more than one. The first time was months ago. Maybe 6 months ago when Mackenzie was mobile. My milk supply was going low, and I decided to take Fenugreek on a regular basis. Then one night, Mackenzie was unusually quiet. I picked her up, and she smelled suspiciously like maple syrup. I'm not sure if you know this, but ingesting Fenugreek makes you sweat and smell like maple syrup. How she found one is still a mystery to me. At first, I wasn't going to do anything about it. But upon second thoughts, I figured I should at least TRY to be a responsible mom. So I called poison control. I don't even know if poison control even knew what Fenugreek was. They told me it was fine. It was an all natural herb. And at worst, she might have diarrhea or something. She was

A couple of weeks ago, Bryan and I were at a wedding. Which meant that my mom had to look after Mackenzie from 2 pm until bed time. At 6 pm, I had a missed call and a voicemail. The voicemail went like this: "Carly, it's an emergency! Call me!" So, I called. Mom: Oh my God! She fell down the stairs! Me: (calmly) Ok, breathe, what happened? Mom: She fell! Oh my God! She fell! Me: Is she conscious? Mom: Yes Me: Did she cry? Mom: Yes of course! Me: Is she crying now? Mom: No. Me: I think she's fine. Mom: She fell from the top right to the bottom! (and continues the freak out) This is from a mom who REFUSES to drive Mackenzie anywhere because she's too afraid she'd crash. So after the stair crashing incident? Probably no driving for a very long time. The good news was that Mackenzie was totally fine. We came back hours later to check on her and she was sleeping well. She was back to herself the next day babbling and running everywhere. What melts m

I told Amanda the other day that I don't remember feeling this bad last time. She said that when she saw me, I looked better this time around than I did last time. Obviously, I have forgotten. This time around, I am out and about a lot more because of Mackenzie. Last time, I remember being a bit of a hermit, because I didn't want to see or socialize with anyone. Most days, I feel like this. I want to curl up in a ball. But, with a one-year old - that's the luxury that's no longer there. I'm forced to go out to the park, to go out to birthday parties, and sometimes, even socialize (yikes!). Even with taking diclectin, I'm throwing up at least once a day. I find that the time it hits the worst is after 5:30 pm - after that, I'm a zombie until bed. Even with days of sleeping 10 hours, it just never seems to be enough. I'm falling asleep while Mackenzie is playing in the family room with the TV on (yup, I'm that horrible mom who lets her child

New symptom #2: Heartburn Oh bite me. Really? And I had a freakin' Greek salad. How the heck do you get a heartburn from that? This baby better come out FULL of hair. They say heartburn = full head of hair baby. I'm demanding hair on this baby. You heard me baby - HAIR! I found these yummy gummy prenatal vitamins from the States today. They're so delicious I could eat the whole jar right now. But, upon reading the nutritional information, it contained 0% iron. Really? I thought prenatal vitamins means they have iron? Good news is that it has folic acid. And I didn't take any folic acid with Mackenzie at all. (I don't know if I told you this, but when I went into labor and they asked me if I took folic acid, I told them no. The nurse promptly told me that was a terrible idea and that my child could very well have spina bifida. Oh yes, thank you nurse for telling me DURING labor - because I could just pop a huge dose of it right then and there to fix it ri

That is how I felt today. We went to Costco and I was bending over like I was about to die. I was light headed, nauseous, and tired. And while I know I should be counting my blessings with all of these symptoms (because it means I'm pregnant and everything must be going well), I want to curl up in a ball and die. Here's something new I didn't experience the first time: Insomnia. How is it possible that I am so utterly exhausted that when I hit the pillow, I'm wide awake until 1 am? HOW? Had my first prenatal appointment with my new doctor. I like her. She's mild mannered, soft spoken, and really personable. She said everything looked great with my blood test and first ultrasound. I broke down and started taking dilectin today. One of my friends said B50 Complex helps a lot with tiredness and nausea. I'm willing to try anything. I'm also a lot more irritable this time. I want to kill everyone. Week 8 - seriously, is it only week 8? 32 more to

My belly started bulging at around 5 weeks and I started feeling nauseous at 6. And I finally got sick yesterday at 7 weeks. I feel like everything is happening earlier this time. Ultrasound yesterday and, thank goodness, just ONE baby. I would've had a breakdown if it turned out to be twins. I probably would be happy about it at the end, but really, that's not even something I can think about right now. 140 bpm for heartbeat - I think that's pretty good. Measuring a bit smaller than 7 weeks. But I also haven't been eating much - so that's to be expected. Anyhooo - I am tired. I feel ill. And I'm only on week 7. Why do people do this more than twice?

Before Mack turned one, when people asked me how old she was, she was always measured by months. "Oh, she's 6 months" or "Oh, she's 11 months now". But once she turned one, that's it - now she's measured by years. It's weird, it's not 13 months, or almost 14 months! I swear, as soon as Mack turned one, she turned into super sponge. She learned a couple of new signs (thank you and all done). She's learned to blow kisses really well, wave and say bye bye, and walking around things if it was in her way. She's also learned to drink from a straw and now eating like a champ. So she hit quite a few more milestones there in the past few weeks. It goes by so fast I can barely keep up! She's dancing a lot (but not gracefully by any  means), and she's learned to go down the slide on her own. She refuses to hold on to the handle bars on the swing (mama, it's so much more fun hands free!). Where did our baby go? Yesterday, I wa

I have no idea how I missed week 6. Somehow, in my mind, I thought I wrote a post for week 6. That's preggo brain for you. Week 6 and 7 were mixed with lots and lots of nausea. And that is what I didn't miss at all. I remember how the first pregnancy I prayed for twins because it felt so horrible that I wanted to just get it all done and over with. Obviously, looking back, I'm grateful it was just one. One thing that's been different about this pregnancy is that my boobs aren't really hurting. Hmm. I'm at the same place I was before - I want to eat but I don't want to eat. Everything and every smell in sight makes me want to puke. I'm considering taking dilectin, but wondering if I really want to take drugs this early. So we'll see. Ok, so remember how I said I would wait until Father's day to tell the family? Well, that was the plan until I saw one of my mommy friends who was 9 weeks pregnant. She looked like she was at 4-5 months. (No

I'm pretty sure last time fatigue set in around week 5. So I'm right on time. Gosh, I hope this will be another text book pregnancy. One can hope. I took a total of 7 pregnancy tests since Mackenzie's birthday. Last pregnancy I took 2. I think I'm becoming increasingly obsessed I'm going to the doctor's this week. I thought about a midwife, but I really liked my doctor from last time. So I'm going to go with it. Bryan and I have decided not to tell the family until Father's Day. Soooo...a month and a half away. Time is going to go by a lot quicker this time right? In the meantime, I'm working on a new project so I can work from home. Wish me luck!

I was sitting around thinking about Mackenzie this week. And this is what I've realized about being a mom. If you're a mom, then you know that your kids are the best. You look at the other kids you know, and you think, thank goodness I've raised mine this way! Look at my kid(s), they're so much better behaved/sleep better/eat better/play better/more social/quieter/nicer/more laid back/etc. You secretly judge other parents for the way they do things and inside, you feel a sense of pride for how well your kid(s) turned out. Because of course, breastfed/formula fed babies are the best! How dare that mom do baby-led weaning/purees?! How could they drug their babies/let their baby suffer with no drugs? Why would they leave their baby with a stranger/how could they not ever leave their baby with anyone? What are they thinking with crying it out/What? They're still co-sleeping? Oh my gosh, they're ruining the environment with disposable diapers/Ewwww cloth diapers

By Friday, I couldn't keep it in anymore. So, I decided to break the news to Bryan. Here's the video. Incase you missed the convo, it went like this (start at 0:30 though, nothing for the first 30 seconds): Me: Hmm...I feel like nachos, come help me make some Bryan: Ok Me: You preheat the oven and I'll shred the cheese. Just make sure there's nothing in the oven before turning it on Bryan: (opened the oven) Oh, there's a bun in there Me: That's weird. Bryan: Why would there be a bun in here? Me: (laughing really hard) I don't know! It's so weird! Bryan: (looking super perplexed at the bun, then put the bun down on the counter. Started preheating the oven) Me: Isn't it weird that there's A BUN IN THE OVEN?! Bryan: (a light bulb went off - his face changed and he finally got it!) Really? Are you serious? I got this idea from some girls at the What To Expect forum. It worked out great. On another note, I've done 4 pregnan

I didn't think I would be as involved with the internet this time around cuz it is the second time afterall. I should know the ins and outs by now. But nope. I couldn't help it. I signed up for the What to Expect forum RIGHT AWAY. And read up on every miscarriage story possible. So now? I'm FREAKED OUT. And I haven't told Bryan yet. I'm a week earlier finding out this time around than last. So I'm wondering if I should wait the week out first. But knowing me, and how impatient I am...probably not. I am extremely tired. And I can't tell if it's because Mackenzie decided to wake up at 6:20 this morning (an hour earlier than normal), or if it's because of pregnancy. I'm also a tiny little bit nauseous. But that could just be my imagination. And so let this fun begins! I might return to my old sarcastic self.

Well, the good news is that I don't think I'm going to pee out the baby this time. So that's good right? That's all.

So last month, I unexpectedly got my period one week early. Only, it was horrifyingly heavy. Heavy enough that I had to go to the doctor's. And he told me I most likely was having a miscarriage. They call it a chemical pregnancy. Then found out 2 of my mommy friends were expecting. That made me happy for them, but a little bit sad for me. So today, I decided to take another pregnancy test incase I might have another abnormally early miscarriage. Still positive. Still haven't told anyone. And somehow, this is like reliving the first pregnancy. Time is going by sooooooooooooooo slowly. I'm dying for Saturday (my actual period due date) to test one last time before telling Bryan. I seem to remember pregnancy went by super slow the first 11 weeks until I told my family. That is how I'm feeling now. And I'm on beeping week 4. Not only am I freaking out about a possible miscarriage, I'm freaking out about finances, about space, about EVERYTHING. Oh,

Before Mack was sleeping 12 hours straight, she used to wake up every morning around 4 or 5 whenever someone woke up to go to the bathroom. Because the door to the bathroom creaked like crazy. And so did every other door in the house. And even though that kid can sleep through most of everything, apparently, she couldn't sleep through door creaks. So after many mornings being awake at 5 am, I had enough! I told Bryan he better use WD-40 to oil every single door in the house. And he did. That was how we reached the 12-hour bliss (I was wrong before about the 8 hours straight sleep - Mack was actually giving us 10 hours of straight sleep. But at 5 in the morning, it seemed more like 8 hours at the time). The other night, I needed to do her laundry after I put her to bed. Silly me didn't take the laundry out before putting her to bed. So I slowly crept into her room and quietly piled her laundry in my arms. And not once did she wake up. That's what I call success t

This morning I woke up and realized, it's Mackenzie's first birthday. I thought I would have tears, but instead, I was greeted with excitement. My baby is one! It's been one of the most amazing year so far. Some ups and downs. That's to be expected though. Bryan and I have been trying to have a second baby for a few months now. So I decided this morning, what the heck, let's pee on a stick. I waited and saw no line. I was testing a few days early. So it wasn't surprising. But I thought, maybe I should wait a bit more. Then, a faint line appeared. It's my baby's first birthday and I found out today that I'm pregnant. I haven't told anyone. I am almost too scared to. The posts from here on out should be interesting. Stay tuned...

Dear Mackenzie, I've been preparing for this post for almost half a year. I wanted to write something with a mixture of humor and inspiration. Of course, now that your birthday is here, I am at a total lost for words. A year. It takes my breath away when I say that out loud. Time went by really fast before you were born, but it went by a thousand times faster since a year ago today. You passed each of your milestones with a blink of an eye. No matter how desperately I wanted to put time on hold, you kept going. It's hard to believe you're already a year old. Yet, I can't believe you've only been with us for a year. I really can't remember a time before you. The moment you were born (ok, maybe a few minutes after you were born after I made sure you were a cute baby), it was as if you've been with us our whole lives. I thought motherhood would change me. I thought somehow I would become a totally different person. That somehow, magically, I would become

Mackenzie can sign "please", "all done", and "love" at one point. The day she signed "love", I swear I melted like a pool of butter. But now she refuses to sign it, which is typical. Here's a video of her doing some signing and letting us know where Jesus lives :) She also knows where her head and "bee bo" (belly button) is. So you know, we're progressing. She asks "what's this?" and "what's that?" like every other minute. And she can say daddy like there's no tomorrow. And I don't remember exactly when it happened, but she consistently sleeps 12 hours a night now. (She was sleeping a good 8 hours at a time before, but 12 hours is a lot more blissful, I tell ya) She is now weaned to one feed a day - only in the morning. Which means our nights are FREE!!!! She had her first babysitter experience the other night. With the exception of a bump and a bruise (both of which weren't s

Well, it's been awhile. Mackenzie is walking (no, running) everywhere and getting into everything. She's down to one nap a day most days for about 2.5 hours. She's down to 2 breastfeeds a day and just drinking whole milk the other times. She eats...well, not enough. But she's happy, she's active, and she tugs at your heart like no other. Yup, we're in so much trouble. How do you discipline your child when they're being so charming and you're trying to be serious but trying not to laugh at the same time? It's a really good time right now because Mackenzie is like a sponge learning everything so fast. We really have to watch what we say, what we watch, and what we teach her. Because she can pick it up just like that. Having a kid really makes you take a step back, doesn't it? I'm constantly in awe of the fearlessness of kids. Mackenzie included. She's not afraid of anything. She will fall, pick herself up, and try again. Gosh, I

Haven't written in awhile. Mostly because I have nothing interesting to write. Aside from Mackenzie being the most active baby on earth getting into EVERYTHING, climbing up the stairs, having a wrestling match on every diaper change, really, nothing is new. Until this past weekend when she decided to take her first 3 steps. Of course, she hasn't walked on demand since. She's taken a step here and there, but not walking full time yet. But I know it's coming, which means our not so peaceful days are about to become even more chaotic! Mackenzie has a new napping schedule, which basically means we're stuck in the house for the mornings. Which means we miss quite a bit of activities. On days when I'm going bonkers, I would push that limit, but I always regret it later. Because it would mean having only one nap instead of two. Seriously, this being a parent thing is never boring. The kid sure knows how to change it up to keep me on my toes. Went to weigh h

I don't know if it's since I've become a mom, or since I've started applying a lot of the stuff I learned from personal development seminars, but I just seem to be in a constant state of gratitude every day. Sure, my family can drive me bonkers, and they sure have their moments. But for the most part, I am just so grateful that they get to spend time with us and Mackenzie every single day. I wish that Mackenzie would remember how her grandma looks forward to getting up every morning to cuddle and hug her right before going to work. And how her grandma equally looks forward to coming home every day after work to play with her, sometimes right on the ground, sometimes holding her hands to help her walk. And I wish that Mackenzie would remember how her auntie would come home between work and meeting up with her friends just so she can say good night to her before her bedtime. I look at Mackenzie every night and I think, wow, this child is so loved. At any given momen

Wow, it's been awhile since my last update. Will see if I remember everything that happened in the past month. New Tricks. I feel like that's what it's like these days you know? Seeing Mackenzie do new things is like teaching a dog new tricks. She would pick up a toy and realize she wants to crawl. But then realized that she can't have the toy and crawl at the same time. So she put the toy in her mouth like a dog and proceed to crawl to her destination. It's disturbing and funny at the same time. She's also learned how to wave and clap. Not on command at first but now she'll wave when we ask. She also would pick the best time to wave and clap - like at dinner time with rice cereal smeared all over her hands. At times like that, I wonder why I even bother giving her a bath. Her cleanliness only ever lasts for maybe 5 minutes. Ever since moving back to mom's, we've decided to switch from giving her showers (she showered with Bryan before) to givi

As Amanda pointed out, my blog has "grown up", and I'm no longer a "mommy to be". So I had to change my blog link and title. So hopefully you're able to find the blog if you've been following. Now it's just random thoughts from a mom. Nothing special, but it'll do. With the new year, we've decided to move back in with my mom. It's been awesome being on our own for the last 6 months establishing routines, figuring out what we're doing, and building confidence, we're ready to be back with my mom again. Many many reasons - first, we're over at least 5 times a week. We're seeing her almost every day anyway. Second, at this point, we aren't sure what's happening after my maternity leave is over. Whether I'll go back to work part time, full time, or not at all. So until there's more certainty with that, we just need some time to save up for our next place. And third, we'll be doing some much needed renovati

I'm always so amused on New Year's Eve. To know that the new year is only a day away. And as you count down, you just feel a sense of sadness of time slipping away, but at the same time, a sense of excitement of a new beginning. It's a bit of a paradox, don't you think? So this New Year's was no exception. As Bryan and I laid in bed counting down "5, 4, 3, 2, 1", I had that same sense of "oh, I can't believe 2011 is over!" but as we said, "Happy New Year!" there was certainly that excitement of "I wonder what 2012 will bring?" Bryan and I were having dinner New Year's Eve and recounted our top 10 moments in 2011. Here we go! 10.) Pregnancy - the last half of my pregnancy was wonderful. As you  may recall, I called myself the champion pregnant woman. Every doctor's visit was good, I gained 12 lbs, and I had so much energy that I managed to move at week 38 and be in a wedding at week 39. 9.) My amazi