Random Thoughts From a Mommy

Today, the world lost a bright little soul. It's hard to imagine what kind of person could be so heartless. We want to believe the good in the world. But news like this...it breaks out hearts, it jades us a little bit more than the last tragedy. Tonight, my Facebook news feed was full of sadness about Hailey. It didn't matter that it had been shared so many times already, it didn't matter that everyone already knew - we shared anyway. And then I was reminded of this quote: "When I was a boy, I would see scary things in the news. My mother would say to me, "look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." - Fred Rogers And that is what Hailey reminded me tonight. That in the midst of evil, we all gathered the last 2 days to share the amber alert. We all shared the same hope in helping to find her. Not many of us knew how to help except by spreading the news. It seemed so trivial, only it brought thousands of people together. We a

Dear Alastair, I don't normally write to the kids until their birthdays, but I feel like I needed to do this one early, because there's so much I want to make sure you know already. It's been just over a month since you've graced us with your presence. For awhile there, we weren't sure if you were ever coming out! You were just so incredibly comfortable in my belly that you wanted to stay in there until you were a bit over cooked. With Mackenzie, we wanted to start our family. With Bryanna, we wanted Mack to have a sibling. With you, I just knew I wanted more. To share more love and chaos and tears and laughter. It was an interesting 40 weeks when people asked if we were hoping for a boy. No, no we weren't. We were just hoping for a third! Of course, you ended up being a boy was a bonus. The day I found out that we were having a boy, I just could not believe it. When I told your dad, you should've heard his voice. It was absolute joy. And that was ho

I haven't had much time to think about writing because well, juggling 3 kids takes up a lot of time! I'm sitting here with maybe 5 minutes to spare before the baby will need attention again, so I better get to typing quick! Each pregnancy has been so different. With Mackenzie, I was miserable for the first 22 weeks with morning sickness, and then I felt like I could be pregnant forever! With Bryanna, I was miserable for the entire 39 weeks. I could not wait for her to get out! With this one, I was miserable for the first 20 weeks with morning sickness, and then great for 17 weeks, and then the last 3 weeks...well, let's just say there were some tears. With it being one of the hottest summers, I could not wait for this baby to get out! Plus the inconvenience of not being able to pick up the girls when I wanted to, or bend down to give them a kiss - I just wanted to be mobile again! So when my first consistent contractions came I was so excited. We even took one last wa

Dear Mackenzie, Another year has gone by. And here we are. Going to bed tonight, you said to me, "I'm SO excited to be 4 tomorrow!" You are as loving as you were a year ago. Perhaps more so. Your love for Bree is what made the hashtag #theirloveisridiculous. One day, I heard you down the hall yelling, "Bryanna! I will never let you go. I love you so much!" Or that time you said to her, "Bryanna, I will never leave you behind!" And that's you. You love with 110% of your heart. You tell me often how much you love everyone on earth. No judgements, no pretence. You randomly blurt out "I love you all the way back to the moon" to your family. You never hesitate to tell us we are beautiful. You want to invite the whole world to parties not because you are popular, but because you just love everyone so gosh darn much. I was worried about how "soft" you might get being so loving. Would you be trampled on? Would others tak

About 18 months ago, Bryan and I went through some challenges in our relationship. We were at a point where we were deciding to stay together or separate amicably. It was both a chaotic and peaceful time for us. Chaotic about the unknown, but so much peace that no matter what happened at the end, we had nothing but love for each other. In the midst of it all, I had read about 8 books in 2 months to keep me occupied in the chaos. Then I stumbled onto a book that changed me.  It was a book on my wish list for the past 10 years. Yes, 10 years. And I am not sure what prompted it, but I finally bought the book. I won't go too much into Conversations with God. You can get it and read it if you'd like. It was exactly what I needed at that moment (isn't that always the way?). It gave me the peace I needed to let go of whatever ideas I had about our marriage. And from there, Bryan and I demolished what was, and built something new. A shift happened that I finally truly learned t

Dear Bryanna, I'm sitting here with another 54 minutes to go until you are no longer a one-year old. Some days you seem so much older than you are, and some days I feel like I treat you younger than you are. And that's the joy of being the youngest (for now) you know? This past year has gone by so much quicker than I anticipated. I'm pretty sure I blinked through most of your milestones. When you turned one, I'm pretty sure you had a total of 4 teeth. I'm not sure when it happened, but somewhere in between you sprouted another 12 without me noticing. (Who am I kidding, you made us notice every one!) I really don't remember when it happened. Not much has changed in your personality. You are very independent. You learned to feed yourself way before I expected you to. You simply will not let us hold anything for you if you can manage on your own. You will however, ask for help when you need it. And that's possibly the most important of all. I thin

It's hard to believe that a year ago, I was so relieved that 2013 was over and looked forward to a brighter better year ahead. 2013, without a doubt, was a challenging year that I was happy to say goodbye to. How different 2014 had been! This past year has been full of surprises. I am hardly the same person I was when January 1 started in 2014. There's been a lot of growth, in all areas of my life. I am grateful, grateful for the opportunity and grateful for the people in my life who supported me along the way. Here's a recap of my top 10 of 2014 in no particular order: 10.) Mack and Bree - These 2. Don't get me wrong, they sure have their sibling moments where they yank each other by the hair, push each other down, and scream in each other's faces. But man, the moments of sibling love far surpasses the challenging moments. Some days I wish I could bottle up that love so I can remember it always. Some days I desperately want to hold on to that love in case it ev