Can't Wait for Eight
About a month ago, I was putting you and Bree to bed. You reached out and held my hand. My heart melted. I said, "thank you so much for still wanting to hold my hand." You replied, "but I will always want to hold your hand mama."
I told you that one day, maybe soon, or maybe when you're a teenager, you won't want to hold my hand anymore. You gently said, "yes, but when I'm a grown up, I'll hold your hand again."
And that's always been you Mackenzie. In moments where I feel sad that you're growing up too soon, you remind me that it'll be all be ok.
I missed writing you for your 7th birthday. I had just gotten out of the hospital and just didn't have the energy to write something meaningful. We celebrated your 7th birthday a month late, but you took it in stride. Never complained. You were just so happy to have a party at all.
Between May 2017 until now, so much has happened. We went through 12 weeks of renovations of our home, you survived your first year of kindergarten, and you lost your first tooth. We went to Hong Kong and you experienced Disneyland. In between all of that, we had numerous camping trips and a couple trips to see Auntie Crystal. We survived our first (and hopefully last) lice outbreak. We got a dog, lost a dog, then got another dog.
Your French is way better than the 5 years of French I took combined. You have learned to read on your own. Your favorite show is Sam and Cat on Netflix. Your best friends are Caiden, Reese, and Eva. You have a boyfriend, but you don't want to tell me who it is.
Yup, that pretty much summed up being a 6 and 7-year old for you.
When I left for Montreal last week, you cried because the last time I went on a plane, I came home really sick. You were scared that I'd be gone for a long time again. When I got back, you told us you were relieved. The world was peaceful again because I came home.
That's what I admire so much about you. Whether you're feeling joy or sadness, you have this ability to show your vulnerability that makes it easy to connect.
You continue to show how responsible you are as the big sister. I call it the "curse of the oldest", but in truth, it has been a blessing. I was away one night and you called to ask me, "how do you do this? How do you handle all of us when we don't listen?" You then took it upon yourself to put your brother to bed. The other day, Bree lost a coin, you gave her yours without any hesitation. You are always thinking of plans to help the homeless. And when you had a light cough last month, you made sure to stay home because your friend Cameron has a low immune system and you wanted to be thoughtful. You even did a lemonade stand on one of the coldest days to raise money in Cameron's name.
You have dreams to be a pop star, a scientist, a prime minister, and a teacher. You asked me tonight what I thought you should do when you grow up. Here's what I know: you are here to teach us how to love with our whole hearts, to help us learn to give unconditionally without losing ourselves, and you are here to remind all of us that we are enough.
Mackenzie, here's to you being eight. I love you more than I ever thought my heart ever could. Thank you for choosing me to be your mom. Happy birthday baby girl. May this year be the best one yet.
love, mom
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