Dear Mackenzie
Dear Mackenzie,
I've been preparing for this post for almost half a year. I wanted to write something with a mixture of humor and inspiration. Of course, now that your birthday is here, I am at a total lost for words.
A year. It takes my breath away when I say that out loud. Time went by really fast before you were born, but it went by a thousand times faster since a year ago today. You passed each of your milestones with a blink of an eye. No matter how desperately I wanted to put time on hold, you kept going. It's hard to believe you're already a year old. Yet, I can't believe you've only been with us for a year. I really can't remember a time before you. The moment you were born (ok, maybe a few minutes after you were born after I made sure you were a cute baby), it was as if you've been with us our whole lives.
I thought motherhood would change me. I thought somehow I would become a totally different person. That somehow, magically, I would become clean and organized. I would be one of those moms you see on TV or movies that baked and cooked and smiled all the time and had a set schedule every day.
As you may already know, that didn't happen.
Some days, I look at your friends' moms and I wonder how I could ever fit in! They are so mature, so tender, and just had that mommy sense that I sometimes lack. I still feel like I am 21 most days, I'm as messy as ever, and sometimes I feel like I'm way too laid back as a mom ("What? She bumped her head again? Oh she's fine. Yes, that's how she cries. She'll breathe again, don't worry."). Then there are days I see the way you beam at me when I come into your room in the morning, or I feel your arms around me when you hug me tight, or those wonderful open mouth kisses I get multiple times a day, or you looking desperately at me signing "please" when you want something badly - those are the moments I know I did ok. That I am a mom afterall.
I think one of the reasons why I don't feel like a mom sometimes is because, well, you've been mostly a pretty easy baby.
I say mostly, because the first 6 weeks were...hmm...how do we put it? It was a learning process. For all of us. For me, for your dad, for your grandma, and for your auntie. What can I say? You lived "purple crying" to a T. Then at 10 weeks, a switch went off, and you were a brand new baby.
You have taught me so many lessons in the last year. Where do I start?
I remembered praying for patience when you were first born. And as the quote in "Evan Almighty" said, "If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?
God sure showed me. I was very careful with my prayers after that.
You taught me to smile more.
Darren Jacklin said once that babies smile on an average of 400 times a day. By the time they reach 35, that number goes down to something ridiculously low like 20 or something. When I heard that, I made a conscious decision to smile every time you smiled. Which was a lot! And you know what? That leads to the next lesson.
Smiling helps me be in a constant state of gratitude.
On days where I feel drained or down, I know gratitude goes a long way. Sometimes it's hard to go past the every day stuff, like "I have a roof over my head", "I have a great family", "I have a caring husband", and so on. Before I learned this one question that Brandon taught us, I would routinely name off things I was grateful about without a lot of feelings behind it, but as soon as I started asking this one question, I felt like a million bucks. And that was asking, "What MORE am I grateful for?" Ever since you came along, you've given me so much more to be grateful for. Thanks for your giggles, your wet kisses, and going down every night to bed like a champ.
You also taught me that babies are smarter than we give them credit for.
When you were born, I wasn't sure exactly what you were learning and how you were processing the world around you. I wasn't sure if you understood anything we said, but I thought, heck, I may as well give this choice thing a try.
The first time it happened was at Old Navy. You were 3 months old and I was picking out an outfit for Alexa. I wasn't sure which color to choose, so I held it in front of you and you helped me. I thought it was a fluke. No way could you have understood that. Still, I kept on giving you choices with everything as you grew. Toys, clothes, food, anything you can think of. I love the way you pick out your story book every night. I loved how you picked out your birthday present (a music box) from grandma. And I love how teaching you choices have made setting boundaries a lot easier. I am always amazed at how quickly you learn - probably because I underestimate just how smart babies are.
Then you taught me a huge lesson on love.
I used to think that I loved your dad so much that there was just no more room for anyone else. I mean, look at your dad! He has every quality a woman could ask for. He's patient, he has a serving heart, he puts God first, he steps it up everyday, he truly loves everyone in his life unconditionally. The list goes on. How could I love anyone more than your dad?
What I didn't realize was that God doesn't require us to love our family members more or less. He just grows your heart bigger for more people to love.
Mackenzie, you grew my heart a thousand times more than I could've ever imagined.
You rolled over, crawled, and started walking fairly early. Not abnormally early, but earlier than I expected you to. So it goes without saying, you are active. Super active. When you see something you want, you go for it.
And that's how I hope you will be in life. When you want something, you get there quickly with you whole heart. That you will do it with the same determination and fearlessness you have now.
Gosh, I hope I can help guide you there. That I will do an ok job with helping you grow.
All this, just in one year. And I know you won't remember any of this. But if there's only one thing I want you to know, it's this:
Every night, you have 4 people who take their turns giving you goodnight kisses and hugs, and every morning, you have those same 4 people who give you morning kisses and hugs. You are SO loved.
I used to say that you were so lucky to have so many people who love you. I think it's us who owe you many thanks for unconditionally loving us every single day. Thank you for teaching us so much so far, thank you for being an example of what life is all about, and most of all, thank you for giving us the honor for being your parents. You are one amazing kid.
Happy first birthday Mackenzie.
I love you.
I've been preparing for this post for almost half a year. I wanted to write something with a mixture of humor and inspiration. Of course, now that your birthday is here, I am at a total lost for words.
A year. It takes my breath away when I say that out loud. Time went by really fast before you were born, but it went by a thousand times faster since a year ago today. You passed each of your milestones with a blink of an eye. No matter how desperately I wanted to put time on hold, you kept going. It's hard to believe you're already a year old. Yet, I can't believe you've only been with us for a year. I really can't remember a time before you. The moment you were born (ok, maybe a few minutes after you were born after I made sure you were a cute baby), it was as if you've been with us our whole lives.
I thought motherhood would change me. I thought somehow I would become a totally different person. That somehow, magically, I would become clean and organized. I would be one of those moms you see on TV or movies that baked and cooked and smiled all the time and had a set schedule every day.
As you may already know, that didn't happen.
Some days, I look at your friends' moms and I wonder how I could ever fit in! They are so mature, so tender, and just had that mommy sense that I sometimes lack. I still feel like I am 21 most days, I'm as messy as ever, and sometimes I feel like I'm way too laid back as a mom ("What? She bumped her head again? Oh she's fine. Yes, that's how she cries. She'll breathe again, don't worry."). Then there are days I see the way you beam at me when I come into your room in the morning, or I feel your arms around me when you hug me tight, or those wonderful open mouth kisses I get multiple times a day, or you looking desperately at me signing "please" when you want something badly - those are the moments I know I did ok. That I am a mom afterall.
I think one of the reasons why I don't feel like a mom sometimes is because, well, you've been mostly a pretty easy baby.
I say mostly, because the first 6 weeks were...hmm...how do we put it? It was a learning process. For all of us. For me, for your dad, for your grandma, and for your auntie. What can I say? You lived "purple crying" to a T. Then at 10 weeks, a switch went off, and you were a brand new baby.
You have taught me so many lessons in the last year. Where do I start?
I remembered praying for patience when you were first born. And as the quote in "Evan Almighty" said, "If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?
God sure showed me. I was very careful with my prayers after that.
You taught me to smile more.
Darren Jacklin said once that babies smile on an average of 400 times a day. By the time they reach 35, that number goes down to something ridiculously low like 20 or something. When I heard that, I made a conscious decision to smile every time you smiled. Which was a lot! And you know what? That leads to the next lesson.
Smiling helps me be in a constant state of gratitude.
On days where I feel drained or down, I know gratitude goes a long way. Sometimes it's hard to go past the every day stuff, like "I have a roof over my head", "I have a great family", "I have a caring husband", and so on. Before I learned this one question that Brandon taught us, I would routinely name off things I was grateful about without a lot of feelings behind it, but as soon as I started asking this one question, I felt like a million bucks. And that was asking, "What MORE am I grateful for?" Ever since you came along, you've given me so much more to be grateful for. Thanks for your giggles, your wet kisses, and going down every night to bed like a champ.
You also taught me that babies are smarter than we give them credit for.
When you were born, I wasn't sure exactly what you were learning and how you were processing the world around you. I wasn't sure if you understood anything we said, but I thought, heck, I may as well give this choice thing a try.
The first time it happened was at Old Navy. You were 3 months old and I was picking out an outfit for Alexa. I wasn't sure which color to choose, so I held it in front of you and you helped me. I thought it was a fluke. No way could you have understood that. Still, I kept on giving you choices with everything as you grew. Toys, clothes, food, anything you can think of. I love the way you pick out your story book every night. I loved how you picked out your birthday present (a music box) from grandma. And I love how teaching you choices have made setting boundaries a lot easier. I am always amazed at how quickly you learn - probably because I underestimate just how smart babies are.
Then you taught me a huge lesson on love.
I used to think that I loved your dad so much that there was just no more room for anyone else. I mean, look at your dad! He has every quality a woman could ask for. He's patient, he has a serving heart, he puts God first, he steps it up everyday, he truly loves everyone in his life unconditionally. The list goes on. How could I love anyone more than your dad?
What I didn't realize was that God doesn't require us to love our family members more or less. He just grows your heart bigger for more people to love.
Mackenzie, you grew my heart a thousand times more than I could've ever imagined.
You rolled over, crawled, and started walking fairly early. Not abnormally early, but earlier than I expected you to. So it goes without saying, you are active. Super active. When you see something you want, you go for it.
And that's how I hope you will be in life. When you want something, you get there quickly with you whole heart. That you will do it with the same determination and fearlessness you have now.
Gosh, I hope I can help guide you there. That I will do an ok job with helping you grow.
All this, just in one year. And I know you won't remember any of this. But if there's only one thing I want you to know, it's this:
Every night, you have 4 people who take their turns giving you goodnight kisses and hugs, and every morning, you have those same 4 people who give you morning kisses and hugs. You are SO loved.
I used to say that you were so lucky to have so many people who love you. I think it's us who owe you many thanks for unconditionally loving us every single day. Thank you for teaching us so much so far, thank you for being an example of what life is all about, and most of all, thank you for giving us the honor for being your parents. You are one amazing kid.
Happy first birthday Mackenzie.
I love you.
I have tears in my eyes after reading this. Happy Birthday Mackenzie - you are the most amazing child in the world and a baby that any father will be proud to say - that's my girl!
ReplyDeleteI love you too - from your daddy -